Coping With Life's Changes

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Randy

Super Moderator
Staff member
Ouch! One of our defenses in a situation like that is to recognize that this is not the same person we came to love. I'm not a psychologist so there is surely much more to it than that, but we have had to remember some of our family the way they were before the changes took place in order to cope with the present.
 

lynpenny

Super Moderator
Staff member
With a memory problem it seems you can tell them about their behavior but they don't remember you talking to them about half the time. Welcome to my world. I have a granddaughter visiting here and she is experiencing all phases of him. She is beginning to understand what is going on with him now.
 

Crabbergirl

Super Moderator
Staff member
Ouch! One of our defenses in a situation like that is to recognize that this is not the same person we came to love. I'm not a psychologist so there is surely much more to it than that, but we have had to remember some of our family the way they were before the changes took place in order to cope with the present.

Randy,
You are so right. I know if he were function correctly he would not do these things, but it still doesn't stop the pain it causes. I try to remember for better for worse, and this is the worse part. God placed me with Tim because he knows I am strong. But some of the callus mean things cut to the bone. He has alienated friends and family alike. They all know what is going on but can only stand to take so much. In Jan we will resume testing and I feel they will find out it is alzhiemers.
 

Crabbergirl

Super Moderator
Staff member
With a memory problem it seems you can tell them about their behavior but they don't remember you talking to them about half the time. Welcome to my world. I have a granddaughter visiting here and she is experiencing all phases of him. She is beginning to understand what is going on with him now.

Lynn,
You are so right. If I do bring something up he says he doesn't remember that
 

Maggie

New Member
Update on Buford.
Bufords surgery went well. He was in surgery from 8:00 am to 5:50 pm. A trachy was inserted in his throat. The Dr. cut from the center of his lower lip and zigzag down under his chin and cut up to his left ear. The Drs. removed the tumor and found another one hiding behind it. It was growing close to his spine. His Dr. said that was totally unexpected. After removing the tumors they made a 12 inch incision in his thigh and took a strip of the muscle to reconstruct his tongue. He was so pitiful looking I couldn't help but cry when I saw him. He had 2 drainage tubes in his neck and 1 in his thigh along with all the other tubes they had in him. The second night his heart rate shot up to 197 and his nurse had to call for the ER Drs. to come to his room. They worked with him for 45 minutes to get his heart rated back down. Then did and EKG to see if he had a heart attack. He didn't. About 2 hours later his blood sugar shot uo to over 300 and the nurse had to call the ER Drs. back. After about an hour it was back under control. The Dr. said it was because of all the stress his body was under. He was started out on osmolite but had to change that because he had developed a leak in his neck and they wanted it to close on its on so they wouldn't have to go back in and repair it. He was in so much pain and still is. They took the trachy out on thursday to see if he could breath on his on. He could so we came friday. He has regained some of his strength back but he has to walk with a walker for the time being. In adittion to all his medicine I learned to give him through his feeding tube I have to feed him every 2 hours. He has his days and nights mixed up he sleeps all day and stays awake all night. He is going to have to go to a speech therapist to learn to talk again and he can't swallow yet and he goes on the 27th to do a swallow test. His sister stayed with me day and night at the hospital and we both are exhausted. She has to go back home tomorrow and I'm really going to miss her. She has been a great help.
 
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Crabbergirl

Super Moderator
Staff member
Oh Maggie, my thoughts and prayers are with you both. Thank you for the update as I have been thinking of you.
 

lynpenny

Super Moderator
Staff member
Maggie know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. take good care of yourself girl. This is hard on you and you have to be so understanding for Buford. Love you girl.

Rebecca has gone home to finish her high school so she can come down here to work and go to school. She should be moving in May unless she gets accepted in school in Oklahoma. Her grade point average is so low. I miss her already and look forward to seeing her for Christmas.
 

Mainegal

Super Moderator
Staff member
Maggie you and Buford have been in my thoughts and prayers. Take care of your self as I know you have so much to do for Buford.
Many hugs being sent your way.,,,
 

RonsGarden

Super Moderator
Staff member
Here's a big {{{{hug}}}} for you Maggie!
Remember to look after yourself!!!
Thank you for the good news!
Prayers for you and Buford!!!
 

Maggie

New Member
Thanks everyone. Your support means so much to me. He gets so fustrated when I can't understand what he's trying to tell me.
 

Mainegal

Super Moderator
Staff member
Maggie, we've got you guys covered in prayers. What about given him paper and pen so he can write it down....
 

Crabbergirl

Super Moderator
Staff member
Maggie, get him a small dry erase board. It will help both of you a great deal. You continue to be in my prayers.
 

Crabbergirl

Super Moderator
Staff member
Tim was such a very talented guy , there was almost nothing he couldn't do. And there are still so many things he is very good at. However, he has lost a lot of skills and knoweledge he once possessed. Lysle has been here 2 days running the bobcat ( thank you my son). Well yesterday Tim decideds he can do it. Yes, he has run equipment for years but with his current issues something is not right. He hit our new retaining wall and now I have to have them come take it apart and fix it. Bless his heart he is just sick about it. If I say things like "maybe you should just hire that out " or maybe Lysle can do that for us" he gets mad. I have not said "I don't think you should do that" but I am not sure how or what to say to protect him from his-self. any ideas?
 

lynpenny

Super Moderator
Staff member
No ideas Crabber but if you get some let me know. The kids are having issues with this and their dad. He could do anything and still can do somethings but he is also forgetting how to do things he has always done. He can get so frustrated that I tell him to take it out and let the young guys do all the hard work. It costs more and he hates that but it is better than him getting so frustrated while trying to do it and me living with the mess up he makes.
 

RonsGarden

Super Moderator
Staff member
That's a tough one Nancie!
Are there things that you think Tim can do?
Tim's a proud man and it will be hard on him not to be able to do the things he used to do safely......That is the hard part!
Has he been tested? Perhaps having his doctor assess him and make suggestions on what he can and cannot do might help!
 

Maggie

New Member
I'm so sorry Nancie I wish I could offer some advice but I just don't know what to say. I'll be praying for you and Tim both.
 

Maggie

New Member
Laurie I gave him a pen and paper but his hands shake so bad it make it difficult to read.
Nancie I also have a dry erase board for him but he get so frustrated.
 

Crabbergirl

Super Moderator
Staff member
I feel so bad for you both Maggie. Just reassure him you are willing to let him take his time. Maybe you could make flash cards with key words like drink, or snack,yes, and no, Even I love you so he feels he can communicate better. My prayers are with you still. God is with you.
 

Crabbergirl

Super Moderator
Staff member
Maggie, I hope things are getting better for you and Buford. Please let us know.

Lynn,
I hope things went well for Christmas with the kids. we are lucky that our son-in-law has been dealing well with the new family orientaion and is accepting of a new step dad in our grands lives. Makes things so much easier on us all.

We are done with most of our renovations and now I have to find way to encourgae Tim to be active. All he wants to do is sit and watch TV. If I go somewhere he wants to go with me but he also wants to go home as soon as we get there. I have to tell him if you go with me , you stay for the duration. We will begin testing again in Jan sometime. We have omitted the anti-depresant from his meds as it was causing personality changes I could not live with. He seems to be ok and not as depressed, but any small bump in life sends him in to a tail spin. I have a funeral to go to Sat and I wish he wouldn't go. He only met the lady a couple times and had no real connection to her. I am ok with going alone, it is sad but I am not all broken up about it. He will suffer for a day or so if he goes and I just can't deal with him being like that. I tried to tell him gently I don't need him to go but he insist he needs to support me. Bless his heart I just don't know.
 


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