gives ya something to think about

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Kya D

Active Member
I took #5 out cuz it seemed offensive

PONDERISMS - these are quite interesting!!!
1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

3. OK..... So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it?

6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

9 Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?

10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, dry cleaners depressed and prostitutes delayed?

12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

14. ! What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.

16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them?
Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive!

21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?

23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

24. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?
 

bob

Administrator
Staff member
> Why do croutons come in airtight packages?
> Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? What's it going to do, "go fresh"?


> Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?

Why didn't they keep them when they took their picture?


> . OK..... So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known
> as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are
> known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the
> Tennessee Titans?

Seattle has a light rail system known as the South Lake Union Trolley. Some fellow, who's obviously smarter than me, made a small fortune selling "Ride the S.L.U.T." T-shirts.
 
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Kya D

Active Member
"Ride the S.L.U.T." T-shirts
I'm with you Bob... if we were just a little quicker on the uptake we'd be rich instead of so darn good lookin
 

Randy

Super Moderator
Staff member
I'm glad I didn't see those this morning when I was running at about 10%. They are pretty funny this evening. LOL
 

Crabbergirl

Super Moderator
Staff member
Ride the S.L.U.T. WOW! That is too funny.

And the all time oldie...
why do we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway??
 

GardenBear1

New Member
Truths For Mature Humans


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when
you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when
I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm
pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you
how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of
tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment
at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue
Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it
asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report
that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I
know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and
hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up
to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers
and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get
dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the
Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3
feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874
and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100
years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
(Ladies.....Quit Laughing.)
 

froglady

Member
Loving the quotes.
Anyone remember back in the 50's when the going thing was a collection of sarcastic 'sayings' printed on calling cards that you traded with 'friends'.? I had a bunch of them but lost them all along the path of life.
 

Kya D

Active Member
I don't remember that Frog Lady.
But I do like #18 cuz it's my life story
 
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Randy

Super Moderator
Staff member
I had some printed one time, but had only a few occasions to give any out. I have forgotten the exact wording now, but it went something like this, "Your criticism of this product reveals an unsound technical background."
 

Gardengoddess

Active Member
GardenBear,

In response to your number 11, I think once your reach that part of the day you should be able to home instead of being obligated to sit at your desk and pretend.

Dora
 

curbhopper

Active Member
OMGOSH! I have truthfully sat here laughing so I hard over and over b/c most sound like things I<<<< say! "Dummer than a DOORknob". :)Thanks guys~ Curbie
 


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