The Wisdom of Larry The Cable Guy...

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Bluewolf

New Member
1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

14.. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

20. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

21. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

22. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the
heck happened?'

23. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

24. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

25. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.
 

curbhopper

Active Member
Where is this thread abuot work? How did it go today? I sent the Cable things to friends of mine and they are voting for their favorite one. One of them likes #8 and my fav is #17 & #24 (so me---"Open mouth....". The voting will continue :) I can't WAIT for my husband to get home to read these to him.~ Curb
 

Bluewolf

New Member
Mz Curbies..it is titled.."feels like the first day of schools eve"

I posted it last night then updated it just a few minutes ago..
 

curbhopper

Active Member
I printed these out and they hang on our frig ~ ~ ~ "You want ME to tell you about something?" and my hubby cringes when I rip this from the frig. Now, I really did see this yesterday which I thought was the funniest thing ..... there is a very large cemetary sort of close by and I stopped driving (b/c you have to), said a short prayer for this person's family, but then I LOST it.....there was a car in the funeral procession.....that had suitcases strapped on top of it! wonder if 'they' know where this person really is b/c they could be in a suitcase....... I laughed SO hard Go to a funeral with suitcases ~ maybe it was Mofia THEN I laughed all the way home with,"When >> I <<< die, "Put a guitar case on your car. Put a Christmas tree on your car. Put a pickle on your car. Put a cat on your car. ...." I just could not stop laughing.....TALK about a funeral procession :) Curb
 

Kya D

Active Member
Out here it is not unusual to see pickup trucks with rifles in the back window in a funeral
procession
 

curbhopper

Active Member
Now doesn't this make you laugh ~ who killed who..... My hubby delivers mail to a cemetary.....I thought those lovely folks didn't need a mail-slot in their plot. A rifle ~ Kya...you take the cake on unusual. ~ Curbie
 

Gloria

Super Moderator
Staff member
Ms Curbie, I bet there's never a dull moment with you around..I'd sure like to be one of your neighbors!!!
 

curbhopper

Active Member
Well thank you, Gloria. There really are very few dull moments here and we ARE neighbors ~ on here. I have always spent an incredible amount of time trying to figure out the world but then I simply laugh ~ at myself, at attitudes, at kids.... I don't know if it has to do with my Mom's genes or what. My Mom fell through the bathroom ceiling from the attic and truly was stuck ~ legs in the bathroom and rest of her in the attic. She said,"Do NOT TELL your Dad!" ok......won't he notice...... Then she yelled,"FIX DINNER!" ok... It was constant Lucille Ball in our household and the key words were,"DON'T tell DAD!" She put a crib together with our neighbor but she was on the inside. Nobody noticed until Mom asked,"Where does the mattress go?" uh.....where you're standing. She could not get out of the crib. Our neighbor said,"DO NOT TELL your DAD!" And then I marry this clown:) Curbie Yes, he was SO proud when he walked in with a lampshade hat
 

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curbhopper

Active Member
My Mom put a lightbulb in her mouth and we all prayed she didn't trip and fall....my uncle set his house on fire b/c he put his hat on top of a lamp to dry it off. It was a family gathering so we had enough people to put the fire out ~ talk about dim bulbs :) ~ Curbie Randy, put that lampshade on.....
 

Gloria

Super Moderator
Staff member
That reminds me of the Christmas that I had that "duhhh" moment. I had a wood sconce on the wall, no shade on it. I'd put a little Christmas wreath of berries and greenery made from plastic and fabric..around the candle holder and a candle in the holder and lit it..once the candle burned down to the wreath, it went up in a blaze of glory. I'm glad someone was brave enough to grabbed a towel to smother the fire and threw it out the door... all my family was just staring at me in disbelief. I was kinda shocked myself!
 

curbhopper

Active Member
In our family, I always say,">>> I <<< didn't do it" and everyone knows I did :) Glad it isn't just me Gloria :) ~ Curbie
 

curbhopper

Active Member
OK ~ now listen to me, well.........you don't have to but instead of making New Years Resolutions.........WHY don't people say what they accomplished the previous year. "I AM PROUD of how many times ........I read at the nursing home, how many times I took care of my granchildren, I sang with the cashier at the grocery store, how many people's hands I shook, how happy ____ made me......... " We have to change this tradition. Who began it anyway ~ resolutions???? :) Curbie
 

Kya D

Active Member
Oh Curbie I like your idea
Instead of new years resolutions we will have "last years accomplishments"
 


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